Everything Irrelevant

Fat Asses

2005-12-19T20:21:00.000-05:00

Ok, I didn't say anything when Taco Bell started accepting Visa. I didn't say anything when Pizza Hut came out with a credit card of their own. But now McDonald's has their own Credit Card. How fat are we that we need to put our fast food on a credit card. What person eats so much McDonald's that they need to get a credit card for the sole purpose of financing their unhealthy eating habits. I eat too much fast food as it is and I probably only get it once or twice a week. At no point am I so hard up for a Big Mac that I need to buy one despite having the funds to make this already rediculous purchase. If I don't have the three dollars, I have bigger problems than satisfying my saturated fat craving. What has the world come to?! Are we so fat and unhealthy that we need to put our burgers on layaway? Next thing you know we will be selling our valuables just to get some french fries and a Whopper. Honestly.

Spaghetti Monster

2005-12-07T21:30:00.000-05:00

Spaghetti Monster

The things you own...

2005-11-27T21:38:00.000-05:00

Having a money (albiet a modest amount) sucks. When I was scraping together rent money by playing poker and selling stuff on ebay, I didn't really have anything left to buy anything else except maybe some beer. Now I have some spare cash and I still have no money. On top of rent and other crap, I just spend my money on a bunch of junk that I don't really need. I shouldn't be allowed to have money. I'm going to try and spend some loot on buying real Christmas presents this year. Maybe that will stop me form buying the GIJoe with the Kung Fu grip for my self.

Freezing

2005-11-16T22:17:00.000-05:00

I am just returned from a very cold night at the Glass Bowl. The game is still going on, but when I left, Toledo was up by 7. Now I don't know what is going on since Toledo is losing by 7. The point that I really want to drive home at this point is where I tailgated tonight. It is like a milestone for me because this is the first game I have been to since I graduated. I sat in the alumni section and tailgated in lot 10 instead of fraternity row or Rocket Hall. Nate called wanting to come tailgate with us but I knew that he had been partying since noon and he sounded like it when he called me. In the interest of saving any chance that Nate has of getting in good with my boss, I am glad that he never made his way to the tailgate. Nate was faced... he called me Bill. I hope that I did him a favor, but only time will tell. It looks like NIU is about to score again so I am going to go hang myself since it is now official that every sports team that I root for loses clutch games. I am just going to have to go play and show them how it's done because obviously me not playing is only hurting these teams.

Receipts

2005-11-08T19:11:00.000-05:00

There are a few stores out there that I can't believe haven't gotten a visit from the EPA or some other environmental agency. Hav you seen the size of receipts lately?! I went to Circuit City the other day to buy a cable for my computer. I'm talking about a small piece of cord that cost $4.87. The receipt was as long as my arm. That is rediculous. I can't even put it in my wallet because it is so wide too! Best Buy is guilty and so is Kroger. I bought a thank you card there yesterday and I couldn't have used the receipt as the envelope. I could go on and rant about how uneccesary that is.. so I will. What the hell ar they thinking? What business practice tells these companies that it is cost efficient to waste that much money on paper and ink. I mean think about it, nationwide, how many Circuit City's are there, and everyday each store makes probably hundreds of transactions, how much paper is wasted everyday? If you add up all the costs for paper, ink, and medical bills for employees that get punched in the face, that has to be a lot of money. Did they just decide that they were making too much money and needed to spend some of it on unecccesarily large receipts? Seriously, I would like to know.

Happy Birthday to Me

2005-11-03T18:59:00.000-05:00

It is 7:00 on a Thursday and I have a little jag on. Hopefully to be followed by a big jag tomorrow night. The new BW3 down the street is pretty fun although it is a little noisy. I would spend more time there but there doesn't appear to be darts let alone room to move around. Either way, good times.

My new list

2005-10-31T20:58:00.000-05:00

My list of things to accomplish before 2006:

- Sleep for 8 full hours
- Work an 8 hour day or less
- Learn how to play Bocce Ball
- Become the World Bocce Ball Champion
- Use newfound fame to get women

PC Load Letter?!

2005-10-24T18:51:00.000-04:00

I found myself laughing today when I was actually having a day straight out of Office Space. I was making a copy of something today when the copier jammed. I spent about 15 minutes on my hands and knees trying to figure out what the hell was going on. I finally figure it out and then it jams again. I tried once again and the damn thing jammed again. So, I pulled out the paper and went up to the laser copier to use that instead. That thing is so damn complicated I barely figured out where the start button was, but I got it. There must have been something in the buffer because what I copied wasn't what came out. So I pushed a bunch of buttons seemingly at random and then I got the same thing coming out as before only this time it was 2 of them back-to-back and stapled together. At this point I was livid. Just as I was about to actually kick the copy machine, the Administrative Assistant came in and showed me what I was doing wrong. Afterwards, I had to laugh at how much that ressembled Michael Bolton's outrage. Work is fun...

Inevitability

2005-10-17T20:58:00.000-04:00

I know this is obvious and doesn't need to be brought up or discussed but I need to get it off my chest. North Toledo is full of idiots. The stupid riots were exactly what the neo nazi activists wanted to happen. If you try to take a moment to objectively look at what actually happened over the weekend (cutting into the first quarter of the Michigan vs. Penn State game mind you), the neo nazi's did nothing illegal. Now don't get all riled up, I'm not saying that I agree with their philosophy or that the "march" neccessarily should have happened. But they didn't even need to march. All they did was show up and then take off, being smuggly pleased with themselves all the way back to the Otto Niemeyer museum. And what happened then??? People decided that it was a good idea to burn down a local watering hole that has been in business for 20 years... What the hell sense does that make?! That is like me saying, "I'm hungry so I think I'll paint my house."... Ok, maybe it's nothing like that... well, maybe... whatever. Either way, the activists accomplished exactly what they wanted to do and, actually, did it lawfully, despite the absurdity of their beliefs. As for the store owner that had his business mindlessly looted and his building burnt down for no towards no apparent end, I'm sure he'll be back to reestablish his business in Toledo. If I were him, I would take the insurance money and move somewhere where people treat residents with respect. The thing to do might have been for all residents of Toledo, despite race, color or creed to stand in unity, thumb their noses at the activists and calmly walk away. That would have pissed them off at least and showed them that they were wrong about the residents of North Toledo. But I guess the better idea was to start an all out riot, burn down some poor man's business and steal some Kool Aid. Yeah, that'll show em...

Oops!

2005-10-14T21:24:00.000-04:00

Ok, I know... I haven't posted in a while. It has taken me a good long while to get my affairs in order. Almost instananeously switching your source of income from being lazy and unsocial and playing online poker all day to taking some initiative and talking to people all day is not as smooth a transition as you may think. I realized that I was doing exactly what I told my boss in the interview that I wasn't going to do. I was slowly turning into a clock watcher, happy to get out at exactly 5 and making excuses why I couldn't stay later. It wasn't until I realized that once I got home I was just sitting around doing nothing that it dawned on me. The expression "Time is Money" is actually relevant. I have been working inordinate amounts of overtime recently. It doesn't help that I don't immediately see the fruits of my labor since I am on a salary. But now I have established myself and am so happy that I spent that extra time. It is starting to pay off. Then i realized that I have been doing nothing but working and sleeping (actually dreaming about doing work the next day... I know it's sad). I started to neglect the little things in my life... like my Blog. So let's get this party started. I don't want to go overboard on my first post back, so just check out this article and there will be more to come. I will work on a new "Funny Movie of the Week" after I go out and get sauced tonight...

I knew it!

So Sad

2005-09-08T12:22:00.000-04:00

Tragic!

Talking Smack

2005-08-25T22:55:00.000-04:00

Things are loosening up a bit at work. Spending a day at the boss's cottage drinking his beer and being on his boat will do that I guess. Today I made my first joke at my boss's expense. For those of you that know me, you know that I rip on people all the time. If I were doing standup, I'd be one of those guys that cracks on the audience no holds barred. My jokes come at someone else's expense most of the time. Today I was writing an email to a client and I asked my boss his opinion on the format. He told me that he didn't approve of an alledged run on sentence at the beginning. I replied, "Well then, what do you recommend Professor Tim?" Tim is my boss's name by the way. He actually joked back and said something like, "You still have much to learn Grasshopper." The fact that he didn't get mad and fire me says to me that he needs more of my critisicm. I'm sort of known already as a jokester in the office, but not to the big man. Now it's on...

Nuances

2005-08-24T22:23:00.000-04:00

Back to continuously doing stuff out of habit. Why can't I remember not to eat a sandwich with ketchup on it right after I shave? OW!

Work Sucks

2005-08-18T21:10:00.000-04:00

There is no way around it, work sucks. Tomorrow I have to go to work at 9:00 (I usually go in at 7:30 by the way). When I get there I have to drive my car 2 hours north to my boss's cabin. 2 hours! Have you seen gas proces lately?! On top of that, my co-workers told me that it was my job to pick up a 12er on my way to work for the pre-game. What... am I made of money?! Then we are going water skiing up at the cabin and we are gonna sit out all day and shoot the shit. I hate my job. At least I'm getting paid for working tomorrow.

Got the Internet Back

2005-08-16T21:15:00.000-04:00

Thank God I finally have an internet connection again. You never realize how much you use the internet every day until you find your self with out access to it. I mean not just writing on blogs or checking on sports scores or emails. You use the internet for other things. Like finding out what those red bumps in your crotch are and why they itch so much, looking at pornography or even getting recipes! Three things that I can honestly say that I've done today since I got the internet back... except for the recipe bit...

Time to post

2005-07-28T21:53:00.000-04:00

Why is it that life happens in busy spurts? I go through several months with nothing really out of the ordinary to do. Then there is like 3 weeks where everything that could possibly happen to keep me busy happens. On top of the normal routine, I had to travel back home for my buddy's bachelor party (without a license mind you), move into a new apartment (which I'm still doing), get a new license (ya baby), and now I have to go back to Lorain this weekend for a wedding. Not like I don't enjoy going out drinking with the boys or seeing a good friend get hitched, but it is a lot to handle all at once. Not to mention that on top of the cost of hiring someone to move my furniture because I have neither the means or the will to move the stuff by myself, I have to show my buddy a good time in dowtown Cleveland and rent a damn tux and get a hotel room for after the reception. This stuff is expensive... and oh yeah, driving back and forth across Toledo to move into a new place when gas is damn near $2.50/gallon isn't fun either. I try my best to save some loot whilst not starving, but come on, give me a break. Just watch out for the sister post a month from now about how boring life is... you've been warned.

Women

2005-07-20T22:28:00.000-04:00

If there is one thing in this world that drives me to the brink of insanity... correction... has driven me to the brink of insanity, it is women. Women are crazy, so they probably feel that it is their responsibility to make us men crazy. There is nothing easy about finding, dating, being friends with or talking to women. The long history of men driven crazy by women is proof enough of that. Why can't everyone just get along? Why can't everyone be honest with eachother? That is too big of a problem for me to tackle. I don't think that anyone one the face of the earth can answer those two seemingly simple questions. We can put a man on the moon, explore mars, split the atom, and... more importantly... create kick ass video games, but we can't explain the way that women act. I'm not saying that men do nothing stupid. Believe me, I've done enough things in my life to epitomize all of the stupid men around the world, but at least I admit it. I have the distinct feeling that life was supposed to be a lot easier than this but we fowled it up somewhere along the way.

Day of Days

2005-07-19T20:42:00.000-04:00

Monday is fast approaching, which means that 6 months of hell is almost coming to a close. It's back to spending too much money on gas. I also get the keys to my new place so I can get out of this hell hole. I now get to wake up like 20 minutes later every day. Giving me time to work towards perfecting my origami techniques!

Yet another realization

2005-07-14T20:03:00.000-04:00

You ever find yourself doing something out of pure habit only to come to the realization that your are doing it all wrong? A lot has changed in my life in the past 6 years and slowly but surely I find myself discovering stupid little habits that have stuck with me simply because I never stopped to think about what the hell I was doing. I have a long way to go, but today i made a big step into changing my meaningless little life. I hate myself for not making this change sooner and I feel like an idiot. While I don't want to get into specifics, you should treat the people in your life that mean something to you with some respect. The people that consistently spend the time to help you and try to be your friend despite your flaws and mistakes deserve your time and consideration. For everyone who is there for you only when it is convenient for them, fuck em.

The truth

2005-07-11T19:19:00.000-04:00

Does anyone ever really tell the truth. I mean, even if you tell the truth and say what you mean, most of the time you are still influencing what you say with body language and infliction. They say that only 7% of any message comes from the words that you use. The rest comes from body language and the voice that you use. If something like 50% of any message comes from body language, that means that when you talk to someone on the phone, you are always only getting half of the message. So how much can you really know about a conversation that you have over the phone if it is only half correct? So if people are altering the way that they feel by using a different tone of voice, even unconsciously, and you happen to be talking to someone on the phone, there is no way that statistically you could be able to tell if someone is telling the truth. People lie and mislead all the time, whether they know they do it or not. Which is a small part of a greater realization that the only person anyone can ever truly trust or rely on is themselves.

Famous quotes for the day

2005-07-07T20:45:00.000-04:00

I don't intend for this to take on a political tone. I'm just here for the drugs. - Nancy Reagan

One disadvantage of being a hog is that at any moment some blundering fool may try to make a silk purse out of your wife's ear - J.B. Morton

USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population. - David Letterman

A horse may be coaxed to drink, but a pencil must be lead. - Stan Laurel

You know it's time to get a new car when...

2005-06-29T20:58:00.000-04:00

... you are sitting at a stop light and your driver side vent inexplicably falls out into your lap. I was driving to work this morning and listening to some morning show. They were talking about a guy that got caught standing in the bottom of a porta-toilet peeping on women doing their business. This guy was standing in feces just to get a look at women pee on him. That is just the ultimate low. Even if that is how you get your jollies, it is a hit or miss operation. He had to get down there and endure guys coming in and performing their 3 O'clock rituals on the off chance that he would get a look at some trim. But I guess that is neither here nor there. I was sitting at this stop light listening to the radio and I hear a pop. I look down in my lap and there lies the vent cover. You know, the thing that directs the air. That isn't supposed to happen, is it? That damn car has cost me more in repairs than it cost me to buy the damn thing. I don't care about the one guy that might lose their job if I don't buy American, my next car will be foreign. Ford is shit. Maybe the reason that GM has to lay off so many people is because they ill produce their automobiles. To wit, my POS. But that is just how I feel right now, I might be wrong.

Coffee Enema

2005-06-21T22:02:00.000-04:00

I have no idea what makes me happy. I know that is kind of a weird thing to say, but since I haven't been really happy for a long time I don't know what else to do. I am making good money now and I am still unsatisfied, so that isn't it. I am moving into a nice apartment and I'm really not excited so that isn't it. I have some great friends even though I wish that some of them would get day jobs so that I have someone to hang out with during the week, but still, that isn't it either. I feel like I have this craving that I can't satisfy and it isn't beer believe it or not. I mean I haven't really laughed for a long time. I've laughed out of courtesy but I can't remember the last time that I actually thought that something was really funny. I have something I need to do, I just wish I knew what it was. Furthermore, I don't think that if I knew what I needed that I would have enough time to do it. I feel like I am just going through the motions of life and not enjoying it like I should be. I really don't look forward to anything at this point which is dissapointing to me. I'm sure this sounds like a drunken post, but unfortunately for you it's not since I have to go to bed now and wake my ass up and go to work tomorrow. GOOD NIGHT NEW YORK!

Life is nuts

2005-06-09T20:57:00.000-04:00

I've never been so money hungry in my life. I know.. money isn't everything, but I remember thinking in class "I can't wait to get home so that I can chill and play some video games." Now my free time is spent thinking about work and how I can make more money. My buddy Scott (and Josh) warned me of this phenomenon, but now I fully understand it. It is kind of refreshing in that I have something productive to do with my time. What really gets me is that the money that I am making is insignificant to the amount of money that people I work with are making. They are bitching about how slow their jetski goes, while I'm worried about getting rid of the bath towels that I've had since 1999. I guess I just need to stick it out and get to the point that they are at. What I really need is to get the hell out of this apartment. I used to love this apartment, it being the biggest place that I've ever had, but now that I have my new place lined up this place is a scum hole. However, I still need to make some money so that I can make my new place look like a real home. Which brings me back to making money... ok this is officially a rant. I'm done.

I guess I should post or something

2005-06-07T20:58:00.000-04:00

I had a thought today as I was guzzling coffee at 6AM. When we were younger, we used to wake up at like 6 or 7 every day for school, and yeah it sucked, but I didn't drink coffee back then. As soon as I took a shower, I was up. Then came college. After my first semester of college I don't think I had a class before 10 and I know I didn't have any Friday classes. So in that relatively short amount of time, what happened that makes me so damn tired in the morning despite the fact that I go to bed at like 11? I don't function as a normal human being on some days before 9. I'm pretty sure that I'm being abducted every night or a goblin is coming into my apartment and stealing my sleep... Ok, that probably isn't happening, but at least that would explain it.

Its Official

2005-05-24T20:41:00.000-04:00

So I've been working for like 2 and a half weeks at my new job now, and I love it. But somewhere in the back of my mind I always worried that they were going to be like, "Ok, we tried you out for a couple of weeks and we don't want you to work here anymore." I know that is dumb, but whatever. Well today it became official in my mind. I got my first paycheck (CHA-CHING) and I got my business cards. Now I can give the business cards out to the hordes of women that always ask for my number at the bar! ... I hate my life.

The little things

2005-05-19T20:11:00.000-04:00

Is there any thing better than the first chip out of a bag? I mean unless you are buying your chips from a gas station, the first chip is always a full chip. It is everything you expected. Then when you get towards the end of the bag, you have to scrounge for a full one and you end up eating a handful of crumbs and left over remnants of what used to be chips before the stock boys decided to play "perishable bowling" at 2 in the morning in the aisle of the grocery store. With the exception of beer and sex... and snowboarding... and getting a fat paycheck... and steak... and... ok there are lots of things better than the first chip in a bag. But it is still awesome!

And Another Thing

2005-05-17T20:07:00.000-04:00

I am starting to realize that it is impossible to ever get anything done. So I work an 8-5 job, just like lots of people. But that is just it. If everyone works 8-5 or at least similar hours, no one will ever have enough time to shop or to use the services of companies that are open from 8-5. If I have errands to run, when the hell am I supposed to do that? I work the only hours that anything is open. With the exception of Kroeger and maybe Taco Bell, nothing is ever open when I have time to go there. This brings me to another realization. The only reason that the economy stays afloat is because of the unemployed. So here's to the bums without jobs, may you remain unemployed so that America remains great.

Cleveland Got a Facelift

2005-05-11T22:24:00.000-04:00

It just dawned on me that Clevland has completely restructured its sports organizations over that past couple of years. Butch, Silas, Grover, Manuel.. all out. The coaches that I loved are gone (with the exception of Manuel... he was a putz). Then it dawned on me that this has probably happened any number of times before I was even born. With the exception of Paul Brown and maybe Mike Hargrove for his '95 and '97 World Series appearances there are no coaches that I know of that have made their mark in Cleveland. Yet... I still remain a die hard Cleveland sports fan. I am going to go nuts if one of these teams don't do something note worthy soon. You hear everyone talk about these curses, like the "Curse of the Bambino" and Chicago's hilarious "Curse of the Goat". Why does no one recognize that Cleveland has been cursed from the start? At least we would have people rooting for us since we haven't won a championship in any major sport since the mid 60's! Screw it, I'm going to start rooting for the Cubs or the Nationals. At least they have room to grow.

I owe, I owe...

2005-05-09T18:35:00.000-04:00

Waking up at 6:00 isn't as fun as I though it was gonna be. I am glad that I got to work at 7:30 today though, because there was like no one on the road this morning. Apparently everyone else likes sleep or something. So now I have my own desk and phone and the whole shibaz... now I just have to figure out what I'm supposed to be doing all day. I spent most of the day today listening to people work so that I could get a feel for the job environment. That is when I realized that I have no idea what these people are talking about with their damn technical lingo. It was a bit overwhelming at first until Tim (my boss) told me not to worry if it all seems alien to me, they don't expect me to know all of the funny little acronyms and what not. Any way, after my first day, I'm tired and my mind is spinning with all sorts of letters that mean nothing to me yet, but I get my evening to myself... and now... I'm bored. Not to mention, everyone I know in Toledo works until midnight at which time I'll be sleeping. Who works crazy hours like that? I have no life.

This just made me laugh

2005-05-04T22:08:00.000-04:00

Check it out

Coffee is the devil

2005-05-02T10:31:00.000-04:00

Josh told me not long ago that he had to cut back on his coffee intake. My response at the time was, "Why would you do that, coffee is great!" This weekend I learned why coffee is the devil. Especially in the morning when you need a jolt to get going. You keep taking coffee to wake up and think everything will be fine until two or three hours later when you are shaking violently and running around like a chicken with its head cut off. Then after your little coffee induced exercise routine you are tired from using so much energy and you need more coffee. It is a vicious cycle akin only to heroin and serial murder. It needs to be stopped. Damn you Juan Valdez!!! You and your damn donkey can go to hell!

Wally Boots Got Faced

2005-04-24T02:40:00.000-04:00

I experienced a first tonight. The last of my good friends turned 21 tonight. We did what any good friends would do, we got him twazzled. What I wasn't ready for was a puking incident 5 minutes into the night. It caught me a little off guard, but who cares. As long as Wille got carried out of the bar by Jessie and company, I'm happy. Not only that, but after the early puking incident Willy manned up and drank his fair share. I only wish he didn't make it a stipulation that I drink anything and everything he drank... bad news. Happy birthday Willy and here's to the death of expensive bar tabs. Bully.

Paradoxical World

2005-04-21T17:04:00.000-04:00

Among other crap in this world that doesn't make sense to me, lately I've been thinking about one thing in particular. When you run and exercise you lose weight and get smaller and if you don't exercise you get fatter. But why is it that if you lift weights you get bigger and if you don't you get smaller? You don't have to leave a bunch of dumb comments explaining this to me, I get the reasoning behind it. I just don't agree with it. Unless you do both, you either become a fat blob or a bony twig. Why can't we sit around and eat pizza all day and get buff? They have all of these new drugs out that make you lose weight, I'm just holding out for the drug that makes you cut. Then they can sell crazy drug cocktails that make you lose weight and make you buff and lazy people (like me) can drink a beer and eat a loaf of bread or two and look like I've been running around and eating nothing but chicken breast. There are all these people researching pharmaceuticals, someone get on top of this.

The Death of Fun

2005-04-17T23:52:00.000-04:00

So it is starting to sink in that I have to start going to work in like 3 weeks. Which is great, because I'm poor and I hate school. But on the other hand, I can't think of too many other situations that are gonna arise in my life when I'll get an opportunity to drink on top of a high school or drive around "tacoing" people's cars. (It's when you go to T-Bell and buy like twenty, 50 cent tacos and drive down a country road. When a car is coming towards you, you throw a taco out the window as they pass. I know, but it's fun.) Anyway, that is all stuff that I'm gonna miss. But I do have a real job now, so on the up-side, I can just make a boat load of money and buy a high school to drink on top of or hire someone to drive past me as I throw tacos at their car. I've always wondered how well I'd do when I finally got into the so called "real" world, so now I guess it is time to put up or shut up. But be on the look out for Herstek High School.. and maybe some tacos coming your way.

Sportscenter Grasping at Straws

2005-04-13T11:20:00.000-04:00

So I had a strange experience this morning. I woke up at 8:00 (For whatever reason since I didn't have to get up until like 10:00) from a dream that I was trapped in a field full of barn yard animals. Ok, great, but the weird part is that when I woke up I turned on Sportscenter, like I do every morning, and they were showing the Top Ten plays of the day. Number 4 was some goats eating grass. Is it me or does that have absolutely nothing to do with sports?

Things That Bother Me

2005-04-09T02:25:00.000-04:00

You know when you start the shower and you pull up on the little thing that diverts the flow from the bath faucet to the shower head? How the hell does that thing know that? Furthermore, how does it know when you shut off the water to go back down? That is like 60 years old and it is rediculously advanced. What the hell?

Tonight

2005-04-08T01:45:00.000-04:00

I'd like to give a quote about tonight that sums up my experiences so far:

"The number of people watching you is directly proportional to the stupidity of your actions."

-Anonymous

...and... done.

Being Nice Has Its Drawbacks

2005-04-06T22:14:00.000-04:00

I need to stop talking to random people. I was on my way into class and I saw some guy sitting outside and I simply said, "Hey, how are you today?". Next thing I know 10 minutes have passed and I am in the middle of some conversation about commercial licenses to sell T-shirts in Texas or some bullshit. Honestly, if I wanted to have some whacked out conversation, I would have came up and said something like, "So, how do you feel about genetically engineered flour?". At least then I would be the one who was starting the shit. All I wanted to do was stand outside and enjoy the nice weather before I was stuck in a building for 3 hours. But no, I have to deal with this shit. I'm never saying hello to anyone again.

Woo Hoo!

2005-04-06T09:56:00.000-04:00

I got an offer today from a company in Toledo. Unless something really messed up happens I'm going to take it. So start kissing butt now and maybe I'll buy you a car.

Josh Williams Top 5 Movies

2005-04-04T20:49:00.000-04:00

Josh decided to post his 5 favorite movies of all time. So I just though I would reitterate HIS list. I would like to stress for you lazy asses that can't read 2 sentences before looking at the list that this is not my list.

Josh's Top 5 Movies of All Time

5) Beaches
4) Little Women
3) At First Sight
2) Sweet November
1) Crossroads

No further comment needed.

Today's Lesson

2005-03-31T16:17:00.000-05:00

Microwaving your dress socks because you're too cheap to pay to dry them in the laundry room is not a good idea. It doesn't really dry them at all and I think it may burn them a little. Not that I know from personal experience, but it may also make them smell a little like burnt hair. So if you decide to hand wash your socks in your bath tub, it is best to let them air dry or pony up the 75 cents. Just a little advice.

Sunday of all Sundays

2005-03-28T01:05:00.000-05:00

If there is a reason to drink on a Sunday, it had better be Easter (or at least someone's birthday). I'm impressed with myself actually. Usually I sit around on Sunday and watch TV and procrastinate until like 5:00 and then start doing stuff. I knew that everyone would come back from Easter dinner and want to drink so I started doing homework at 11:00 and got a lot done. Either way, I got everything done today that I wanted to and I played a few games of beer pong. Nate may or may not have exposed his new chick to a world of hurt (emphasis on may) but whatever. Some good advice that I once heard is "Get your shit done and then party it up." Some of the best advice that I ever got. Fathers are great when you are old enough to party it up with them. You hear all sorts of wisdom that you wouldn't otherwise hear. Yah Easter and yah drunken fatherly advice.

P.S. The Cavs are going to blow it again.

The Boys are Back

2005-03-25T19:21:00.000-05:00

April brings with it many things: warmer weather, spring blossoms, lighter jackets and most importantly... baseball. The baseball season is so long and somehow it feels like it isn't long enough. Sure I love all sports, just like any other guy, but baseball is great. Going to a baseball game gives you a feeling that you don't get from any other sport. You get that feeling in your stomach like you are part of something great. Sitting there with a bag of peanuts in one hand and a cold $6 beer in the other makes you feel more at home than if you were at home. Maybe its just me.

One of the greats

Dissapointment

2005-03-22T11:27:00.000-05:00

I've been talking for a long time about how excited I was to get out of Ohio after I graduate. I'd even be happy to get out of Toledo. Coincidently, the only job interviews I've had so far have been in Ohio. I just interviewed for a job with John Hancock and I think it went pretty well. The problem lies in the fact that it is IN TOLEDO!!!! If I get stuck in this damned state I'm going to go crazy. I've never been so encouraged followed by a sense of dissapointment when I realized that I may end up living here permanently. Furthermore, why is it easier to get a job interview for a high paying job than it is to get a damn job at Office Depot? Forget that...

What I really hate

2005-03-18T07:41:00.000-05:00

is that you have to wait for the toaster to cool down before you can use it again. What the hell is that about? Stupid toaster.

Panama Jack

2005-03-15T00:06:00.000-05:00

I've thought long and hard how to sum up a whole week of Tom Foolery in Florida without dragging on. Here is what I came up with... Ohio Sucks. Let me expand on that with the following list:

Ohio - Cold
Florida - Warm
Ohio - Not populated with hot women
Florida - Yeah
Ohio - Friends not seen naked doing the C-Walk
Florida - That's right
Ohio - Not so much flashing
Florida - Every day at 5:00 (on the dot)
Ohio - Clubs suck
Florida - Get sucked
Ohio - A few drunken nights
Florida - Don't ask
Ohio - Try and get a tan
Florida - Try not to get one
Ohio - Boring
Florida - Fun

I'm moving out of this God forsaken state.

Information Overload

2005-03-12T16:30:00.000-05:00

Just drove back from a week in Florida. There is just too much to write right now, so I'll collect my thoughts and post on it tomorrow. Ohio sucks.

Josh is dead

2005-03-05T01:47:00.000-05:00

Went out to celebrate Josh's birthday tonight. We started out at Red Robin (Josh's former place of employment) and we had some food and a couple of drinks. We met up with a couple of friends who said that they would meet us at the bar. (Let's take a moment to start a drink count... int drinkCount = 2;) Those friends never show up.. assholes. Whatever, we meet up with a couple of chicks that Josh worked with and Josh is interested in one of them. He spits his game while I play Erotic Photo Hunt (great game). During which, Josh has 2 more beers (drinkCount = drinkCount + 2;). Now it is time to offer Josh his birthday shot and he picks some foofoo drink. I say no and order two shots of Cabo (tequila). 2 minutes later... (drinkCount--;). I guess the moral of the story is don't drink tequila while you are spitting game. Either that or don't be a dork and write your blog posts with C++ references. Either way...

Irony

2005-03-04T14:07:00.000-05:00

I never really fully understood what was ironic and what wasn't. But I think at the top of the list of things that ARE ironic is cable television. Every day, cable television providers lose market share to Dish Network and other satallite television providers. Yet, because of their own regulations (and I guess a little bit of the 1st amendment) they are forced to air commercials on cable that advertise for satallite TV. That has got to be a kick in the junk. That would be like Budweiser paying for a bunch of Miller commercials. Or better yet putting a few Miller Lites in every case of beer that they sold. Ok, that might not be a great analogy, but you get the point.

Realization

2005-03-03T03:21:00.000-05:00

I came to a startling realization tonight. Mr. Rogers is dead. It didn't really hit me when it happened. But tonight, I realize that the death of Fred Rogers marked the end of successful public television. It was coincidentally shortly after the TV star's death that Dish Network and all of these other nonsensical satallite television providers started to flourish. I don't know where I'm going with this, but I am now, years after the fact, realizing that the era of my childhood has ended. Whatever, I will ALWAYS be a Toys R Us kid.

Done

2005-03-02T01:59:00.000-05:00

I'm finally done with all of the shit I had to do before spring break. I just belted out a 14 page homework assignment that had 3 huge data flow diagrams and all this other shit and it is only worth 10 fucking points. I think this teacher just assigns homework for the sake of assigning it. I don't think he looks at the assignments or anything. He is just like, "Why don't you guys answer all of the questions in the book and get them to me in an hour." Seriously, but whatever. My philosophy is to make the damn thing so long and hard to read that he will just have to assume that I did it well and give me an A. If he is going to assign all this work then I am going to give him some in return. The sad part is that I have enough free time to make my assignments so long that it would piss off a college professor. What's wrong with me?

Faced #2

2005-02-27T02:03:00.000-05:00

Ok, going to a party in college is nothing new to me. Going to a party that turned out to be a sausage fest is also nothing new to me. Going to a sausage fest where two guys tried to kill each other with a 17 inch black rubber cock... that's new. I didn't ask where it came from. I really don't want to know why it was there. There was definitely a huge black rubber cock at this party. It had a suction cup on the end of it... what ever... it was a 17 inch black rubber cock. The more alcohol we had, the funnier it got. There was some sort of a drunken altercation and it ended up in a fight with the cock. All I know, is that if I have to go to a sausage fest, I can't think of a better end to that night.

P.P.S. The flash movie of the week still freaks me out.

Jessie got faced

2005-02-26T02:55:00.000-05:00

You ever have one of those nights where you and a couple of friends just sat around and got twazzled? That was tonight. Normally you do that at a sit down bar where you can hear each other speak. Jax on Friday is usually just that. For some reason tonight it wasn't. That didn't phase us. All we did all night was try to keep up with eachother. With out a doubt, the one that was always rearing to go for another round was the one that ended up being "faced". Hence the title. The moral of the night is.. always. write. posts. in. very. small. sentences. because. that. is. what. the. kids. are. doing. these. days. Ok, I'm an idiot, whatever. All I know is that it is Josh's birthday on Tuesday and he won't be here to enjoy it with us. The only thing that will remedy that situation is him coming to Toledo on March 12th so that we can get him FUBAR'ed. It had better happen. Good night Los Angeles.

P.S. The Flash Movie of the Week Freaks Me Out

Sometimes a Time Machine Would be Handy

2005-02-24T00:41:00.000-05:00

I always wondered what I would do if I had a time machine. I mean, sure there are tons of theories about going back into time and unraveling the threads of time-space. Then there are the theories that simply say you have no idea what repercussions you will cause. You could move a rock and somehow kill the man who introduces your great grandmother to your great grandfather (how ever that works). There are other theories (e.g. Back to the Future) that say that if you alter something in the past you create a new future that is wholly separate from the future that you knew. It doesn't really matter to me. What I would do with a time machine is go back and kill the guy who wrote Forrest Gump. Because if I am exercising and I hear "RUN FORREST, RUN!" one more damn time from some fat idiot 15 year old, I'm going to snap. I understand the guy had no idea what he was going to cause when he wrote the movie. There is no way to tell what lines from movies will turn into catch phrases. Seriously though, that movie was made in like 1994. Time to get over it. Are we just so mindless and impressionable that we can't come up with new material in over 10 years. Furthermore, maybe the fat ass who said it to me today should be exercising a bit more and not eating so many damn donuts (see new flash movie of the week). I guess the ultimate revenge is that he is going to have a heart attack by the time he is 30 and I'll be fucking his daughter.

I woke up in a sweat

2005-02-22T23:46:00.000-05:00

"AHHH! What an awful dream! 1's and 0's everywhere.... and I thought I saw a 2."

-Bender Bending Rodriguez Unit 22

Microsoft still funny in 2005

2005-02-21T14:45:00.000-05:00

I know that this release is about a year old, but I found it while I was being a mouse potato and it reminded me how funny it was. Enjoy.

Windows 2000 Code Excerpts

I suck at scheduling my classes

2005-02-21T14:00:00.000-05:00

I guess I'm glad that I don't have to schedule classes anymore after this semester, but I really suck at it. I like having all of my classes back to back so that when I get home, I can stay home. The problem is that right now I am starving in every sense of the word. I had a bowl of cereal this morning and an apple. That should last me more than a few hours. For some reason that is not enough. I have always eaten like 6 small meals a day rather than eating the normal 3 square. I guess it is a metabolism thing. It doesn't matter, either way I'm hungry and I have a whole class to sit through. I should pack my lunch.

Group work sucks

2005-02-16T16:58:00.000-05:00

I hate the fact the all of my teachers, and probably all of the teachers at this university, think that they are the only one's preparing their students for the outside world. Every teacher I get makes some speech at the beginning of the class that goes something like this:

"There will be a semester long group project or two because I think that group work is really important, especially in business. I know that most of your teachers let you get by without doing any group work, but I want to prepare you for the real world."

Fine. Great. Dandy. What they fail to realize is that I have yet to have a class at this God-forsaken university that didn't have group work. All of my self indulged teachers think that they are the only ones who can help prepare us for the "real" world. Don't get me wrong, group work is important, but there are some stupid people in my classes and I hate having to trust my grade to them and their incontinence. I could be done with all of the shit in all of my classes already but instead I have to wait while these fuck-ups procrastinate all semester and jepordize my GPA. I hate school. I can't wait until I get into the "real" world so at least I can get the group I get stuck with fired if they don't do their fucking job and do it well.

Something to think about

2005-02-12T21:59:00.001-05:00

If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?

What a waste

2005-02-11T13:38:00.000-05:00

So I got something in the mail today that at first seemed normal enough. It was an invitation to my buddy's wedding. I knew it was coming so I didn't think twice about it until I read closely. It isn't an invitation, it's a pre-invitation invitation. What the hell? Ok, let's go over the necessities for an invitation. You need a date, a time and a place right? Ok all of those things are included in the thing that I got. Yet still on the bottom of this seemingly useless document it says, "Invitation to follow." What a waste of paper, time and energy. Why spend all this money on invitations if you are going to send something else that says the same damn thing? I've never understood the whole wedding process. I've always thought that it was way too intricate and some of the damn rituals are stupid and pointless, but if sending out two invitations (for no apparent reason) is part of that process then I am getting married in Vegas. Screw that!

That's what I want to know

2005-02-09T15:12:00.000-05:00

WTF

?tahW

2005-02-07T13:59:00.000-05:00

.efil on evah I .skcus ssalc sihT .sdrawkcab tsop eritne siht etirw ot dediced I taht derob os ma I .derob yllaer ma I dna loohcs etah I

Pats What?!

2005-02-06T05:06:00.000-05:00

Superbowl Sunday is upon us. I am throwing a bit of a party. We'll see how it goes. Either way, Tom Brady is my favorite NFL player, despite the fact that he couldn't win a NCAA championship when he was at Michigan. How do you not win that game behind an impeccable O line and a nationally ranked defense, three times, but you can win two superbowls? I don't get it. Whatever, hail to the victors and go Pats!

Woot

2005-02-05T01:43:00.000-05:00

I can't remember the last time that I really laughed. I mean really thought that something was funny. We all laugh just to laugh sometimes. We laugh because something was supposed to be funny or because that is the socially acceptable thing to do at the time. But I haven't really found anything funny in a while. Either my life is just not as entertaining as it used to be or I'm just in a dry spell. My life is usually one joke after another. Granted, most of those jokes are at my expense, but I still laugh about it later. I'm hoping that there will be a superbowl comercial that will make me laugh. There is usually one that is just a stroke of genius. My favorite commercial of all time was a superbowl commercial. There was this crazy old coot playing the harmonica and hitting a tamborine and there was a monkey dancing next to him. This went on for like 25 seconds. Then it cut to another screen that said, "Well, we just wasted a million dollars. What are you doing with your money?" It was a Ditech.com commercial. That's good marketing.

Funny stuff

2005-02-02T14:26:00.000-05:00

100 Worst Porn Titles

Geeks rule the earth

2005-02-01T13:01:00.000-05:00

There are 10 kinds of people in this world, people that understand binary and people that don't.

MJ

2005-01-31T14:10:00.000-05:00

No, not Michael Jordan. I'm talking about the other MJ. The one that seems hell bent on ruining his own life, Michael Jackson. There was a point, and maybe I still do, where I felt sorry for him. I felt sorry that people wouldn't leave him alone, and that his accomplishments are greatly shadowed by his apparent scandal with the children. I don't want to get into a big discussion about it, but come on Mike, you are making it way too easy at this point. Give us a reason to leave you alone. Stop doing stupid things for like a week and then people will let you mind your own business. I am just getting to the point where I'm sick of hearing about it! Try doing something with your time like, oh I dunno, making MUSIC!!! Remember, you used to do that.

A Modern Day MacGyver

2005-01-29T16:42:00.000-05:00

Now this is a real man.

Hilarious

Short Post

2005-01-27T21:53:00.000-05:00

Shouldn't Christian Slater be like a garbage man or something by now? Seriously.

The Fake World

2005-01-27T19:57:00.000-05:00

Why do people, teachers in particular, refer to everything outside of the classroom as the "real" world. As if when we are sitting in a school we are in some fantasy world that doesn't really matter. School is just as real as anything else. If I were to imagine a world to be in when I wasn't in class it certainly wouldn't be so damn boring. If school isn't the real world then why do I have to study for it when I go home? Why can't I be in a fake world where school consists of half naked women, booze and maybe a trampoline or some jello? Everyone loves jello!

Computers in Classrooms

2005-01-26T14:04:00.000-05:00

I think it is a stupid idea to try and hold a class in a computer lab. No one pays attention to a damn thing besides stupid AIM. People check their Email, play solitare, look at boobies or type on their blog. What are these people thinking?! There is important information to be retained here! I mean we are fourth year INFS students, we really need to know the basics of HTML that we learned when we were like 4 years old. I know that there are people that are in here that don't know anything about HTML, but this is just silly.... Ok, I just got caught by the teach. TTYL.

I need to find a job

2005-01-23T03:13:00.000-05:00

Ok, I have been living off of the money that I have made over the past 3 or 4 years. That well is getting pretty dry. I need to get a job or start gambling again. So I have been applying for a job with pretty much anyone that is accepting applications. In my search I have found the perfect job. That stupid guy from American Idol. Not only is he paid for that God awful show, but he also makes a ton of money off of the record contracts he gets through the show. That is the ultimate gig (if I can use the word "gig" without sounding like an idiot). So I either need to start a similar show or start selling my body for money... any bidders?

Eh?

2005-01-22T02:52:00.000-05:00

The black fava bean flies at 4:20. Furthermore, I hate pants.

El Nino

2005-01-21T01:09:00.000-05:00

Was El Nino some sort of cover up for global warming. As I remember it, El Nino was only supposed to come every so often. Now I feel that I hear about it every year as an excuse for crazy weather. Toledo is supposed to get some crazy storm on Saturday and we are apparently on an off year for El Nino. As far as I'm concerned, to hell with global warming. Let's talk about global cooling. It is freezing outside!

Walk faster

2005-01-19T13:55:00.000-05:00

Ok, if you ever go out for a leisurely stroll or just feel like taking your time, stay the hell away from me. What's up with people walking so damn slow that people on crutches are passing you? There should be a speed minimum when you are walking down narrow pathways, or at least there should be a predefined "passing lane". People have places to be and usually very little time to get there. I'm sorry that you have so little going on in your life that you can take your sweet-ass time walking around campus, but when people want to get by, at least move to the side. It is damn cold out today and even if I wasn't notoriously 5 minutes late to all my classes, I would want to get the hell out of the cold. I've been telling myself for about 2 years now that it takes more than 10 minutes to get to campus, but for some reason an extra five minutes is too much. Regardless, people should get out of my way. Shit or get off the pot people.

Last time for everything

2005-01-18T13:29:00.000-05:00

I just purchased the last batch of textbooks that I will ever have to buy. With the amount of accumulated money that I have spent on textbooks over the years, I think everyone in southeasat Asia would be well fed and driving a fricking Lexus. I don't understand who comes up with the prices for these things. How is it that one book that is like 1000 pages and hard bound can be 50 bucks cheaper than another book, by the same publisher mind you, that is about 300 pages and paperback? Does paper cost more when you are filling the pages with different kinds of information? Are certain kinds of knowledge more important and therefore more valuable than others? My guess is that the publishers are like, "Ok, how much can we rape people for on this one?" Then they determine a fair price and arbitrarily add like 70 bucks. I feel so used.

Women are the devil

2005-01-17T02:53:00.000-05:00

Women are the devil for a ton of different reasons, but tonight even more. Why can't me and my friends find a girl that will just be faithful and have a good time sans the drama? Seriously.

All things bar

2005-01-16T02:16:00.000-05:00

Always look at a girl's ring finger when you talk to her. Never buy a girl a drink until you are sure she doesn't already have a date. These are rules you should follow at any bar excursion. However, you never take into account the amount of alcohol that you would have drank when you try to implement these rules. Furthermore, as a third rule, you should always (and I stress always) make sure that you stop by any of your friend's houses on the way back from the bar and cause a ruckus. If you don't, it would be an insult. Then go back to your place and watch all of your other friends talk on the damn cell phone. Seriously, get bent. It doesn't matter though. It's Five O' Clock somewhere.

A word to the wise

2005-01-15T17:17:00.000-05:00

You can't reheat instant potatoes. Trust me on this one.

Just in case...

2005-01-15T04:05:00.000-05:00

...there are ever any compromising pictures of me on the internet, ignore them.. it was my twin brother Phillip. He's a dick.

Global warming what!

Everything is life

2005-01-14T03:04:00.000-05:00

I came to the realization tonight that life is nothing but a series of moments that have one of two outcomes. You either do the right thing or do the wrong thing. The tricky part is, at the time you have no idea what decision is the right one and which one is the wrong one. You could go years without knowing which decision was the right one, but it could come back to haunt you. That is the mentality that I have had for 24 years. The other thing that I realized tonight is that it doesn't really matter. You could go through life wondering what would have happened if you did something different, or you can make the most of what you have with the decisions that you have made.

OK, that was my drunken rambling for the night. Furthermore, I hate pants. Goodnight world.

God's amusement

2005-01-11T16:19:00.000-05:00

Ok, so I am convinced that my life takes the place of the jester of the afterlife. There are too many inherently funny things that happen to me with increasing frequency. First, I went to a class today where the professor was an Asian man that sounded like he had learned English from an eighty year old backwoods hermit with Tourettes syndrome. Ok, that may be a little harsh, but he is definitely a couple of feathers short of a chicken. He is the first professor that I have ever had that said, "You guys don't have to come all of the time, if you want to stay home a couple of times, you'll be fine, no problem." That kinda scares me into wanting to come to all of the classes. Anyway, when I left at the end of the class, I started walking towards my apartment. When, as if out of a movie, a car comes racing by and completely douses me by driving through a pothole full of water. That stuff doesn't happen to anyone that I know. Just for once I'd like this stuff to happen to someone else so I can laugh at them. Now, I have to change my pants! Another reason why pants suck! Why me God, why me. Honestly... COME ON!

How to make air your pet

2005-01-10T13:21:00.000-05:00

... you heard me:

1) Buy a mason jar, but do not open it yet
2) Carefully pick an area with lively clean air
3) Slowly walk up to the air
4) Open the jar trying very hard not to make a noise
5) Immediately close the jar
6) Set the jar on a shelf out of the reach of children and other animals
7) Enjoy your new pet air
8) Never open the jar again, it doesn't need to be fed

Clothes are the Devil

2005-01-10T01:44:00.000-05:00

Ok, so I know that I have spoken out against pants, but why stop there? This country has a serious problem with modesty. I'm sure that we all know that other parts of the world are much more comfortable with the human figure. Great civilizations thoughout time have been very comfortable with nudity, but for some reason we in the US are not. Actually, I just recently learned that the reason that all of the statues in the Vatican have fig leafs instead of genitalia is because some crazy cardinal chopped all of them off because he thought they were lude. What is up with that, even the servants of God think nudity is shameful? I have had my fair share of naked encounters, ranging from naked runs around the house when you lose in beer pong, to answering the hotel room door naked because my friend convinced me that a hot chick was going to bring the extra towels we asked for. Granted most of those events involved alcohol, but that is no excuse. I feel that we should all just go naked or at least have a couple of nude beaches in the states. Think of all the fashion decisions you won't have to make, not to mention all the money we would save on clothes. Then I wouldn't have to complain about pants all the time. Stupid pants.

Just see that I'm right

2005-01-09T13:18:00.000-05:00

I thought maybe the description of Voltron that was provided on Josh's Blog was incomplete so here is another site where you can marvel in the splendor that is Voltron. Come on guys, look at how hard core my avatar is.

http://www.voltronforce.com/home.html

Change your vote if you value your lives.

Back from vacation

2005-01-07T16:39:00.000-05:00

Ok, I'm back from vacation with new profound knowledge. I learned that for some reason my dad seems to think that everyone who speaks another language is deaf. No matter how many times I tell him that he doesn't need to shout at people who don't speak English well, he still does it saying that it helps them understand. I also have taken issue with the whole "seatbacks in their full upright position" thing. How much does a seat recline on a plane, like 1 inch? How in God's name is my seat being on a 1 degree incline in any way endangering my life or the lives of those around me? I don't get it. Anywho, on the way down, the pilot bounced the plane off of the runway a few times and had a very rough landing. The funny part was afterwards when the attendant said, "We ask that you please remain seated with your seatbelts fastened until the captain brings what's left of the plane to the gate. For those of you that have sustained neck injuries, we will be handing out neck braces as you exit the plane." I thought that was great.

On another note, I am seriously dissapointed that Voltron looks like it is going to lose to He-Man on Josh's Blog where he is holding a competition for the best cartoon shows.

http://onebadwebsite.blogspot.com

Voltron is quite possibly the best cartoon ever and I feel that I may lose interest in the rest of the competition if Voltron loses to a show where a guy ran around in little to no clothing fighting a possessed skeleton.

Merry New Year

2005-01-01T16:02:00.000-05:00

10 things to do this year:

1) Graduate
2) Get a job
3) Move somewhere else (again)
4) Stop trying to flirt with stuck up bitches
5) Realize that I really have no choice (See #4)
6) Realize that the female race hates me (See #4)
7) Maybe see the Browns draft some O-linemen
8) Realize that #7 will never happen
9) Start rooting for a sports team that WINS games
10) Find the source of all evil and destroy it

(# of these items that I will probably accomplish = 3 including #10)

Spring Break

2004-12-30T16:22:00.000-05:00

I realize that this post is a bit premature. However, spring break, at least in my mind, is supposed to be a time where college kids unwind, mingle with their peers and maybe get a tan. Somehow along the way it turned into a medium for stupid TV stations to boost their ratings and for smut peddlers to capture some poor guy's daughter showing the world her tater-tots. Granted, the kids are still unwinding just as they were before, but now there are a myriad of different ways for their endeavors to end up on video, which is not good. What happened to the saying "What happens on spring break stays on spring break."? How are you supposed to keep that kind of a thing secret when people are video taping it and selling it all over the world? There is a certain amount of privacy that has been lost involving spring break. This reason is partly why for my last few spring breaks I have gone to Vegas... and well, I mean come on, it's Vegas, who doesn't want to go to Vegas. Needless to say, for my last and final spring break I have decided to brave it down to somewhere warm and risk being captured in the act of doing something really stupid. Now, my friends and I just need to find a place to stay.

Memory is a fickle thing

2004-12-29T16:58:00.000-05:00

Why is it that I can still remember the combination to my highschool locker but I can't remember the phone number that a friend gave me last week? Even worse, why is it that I had my cell phone and my PDA on me and opted to try and remember it instead of storing it in a device that's sole purpose is to retain that kind of information. I hate my life.

As a side note...

2004-12-28T03:05:00.000-05:00

...I think it is crazy that there is a serious lack of expansion cards on my board now. I remember when all I had was three 8-bit slots and one 16-bit slot, and they were all taken. Back in the day you needed a hard drive controller card, a floppy controller card, a video card, a sound card, a printer port, a SCSI card, and a NIC (MODEM at the time). USB was so futuristic it was like velcro in the 50's. Now all I have is my new video card in 1 AGP slot and 5 empty PCI slots, everything else is built in. Technology rules!

Upgraded

2004-12-28T02:57:00.000-05:00

Ok, I've been offline for a couple of days, but it's ok. Because now I have a K8NS-Ultra 939 Motherboard with a 64 bit AMD Athlon processor, not to mention the new XFX 6600 GT 32 bit graphics card... my Christmas present to myself. I would just like to take this moment to say that electronics rule. Stuff like this reminds me why I was studying computers in college. Needless to say, I am viewing my blog in crazy high resolutions now... it is the shit. More to come...

Happy Holidays

2004-12-24T14:09:00.000-05:00

Merry Christmas Eve and all of that seasonal stuff. I probably won't be posting tomorrow since I will be stuffing my fat ass full of delicious food and beer. 3 reasons why I love Christmas:

1. Food (duh)
2. Presents
3. That movie where the kid shoots himself in the eye.

Hope you have a good one!

Balloons

2004-12-22T16:43:00.000-05:00

I was under the impression that everyone liked balloons. I mean, come on, what's not fun about a balloon? It's fun to float around in the air, they look cool, they are colorful, and when you get done blowing one up, you feel like you've accomplished something. Well I have a friend that is afraid of balloons. Well, I guess he is afraid of them popping in his face, something to do with someone popping one in his face when he was younger or something. I think he is missing out on one of the greatest inventions ever. It is a shame that he can't enjoy balloons like the rest of us. But I know where he is coming from, I had a similar experience with a cherry tomato. I was about 5 or 6 and for whatever reason I was allowed to play around in the garden. I got my hands on a cherry tomato because, well I loved cherry tomatoes, I used to eat them all the time. Well around 10 minutes later I am writhing around on the ground choking to death. I flopped around for a while until I coughed it up, at which point I just dusted myself off and walked inside and told my mother to please get rid of the tomato plants. For the next 2 or 3 years I kept trying to get my parents to understand that I didn't like cherry tomatoes anymore. Eventually they listened and got rid of the tomato plants, but at that point, I really didn't care anymore. Needless to say, I still don't like tomatoes of any sort. So the moral of the story is: Stay in school!

Friends and Weddings

2004-12-21T10:35:00.000-05:00

Is it ever a good idea to invite your friends to your wedding? Let's be honest here, how much of what your friends do would you like your entire family to see. Not to mention the bride and all of her family. The bride's family will be watching you to see all of the little things that you are going to do to screw up their little girl's life, and when they see some of the stupid things that your friends will no doubt be doing at the open bar reception, they will rightly assume that you act the same way whilst not under their close scrutiny. Is this really what people want? These people, namely the bride's family, mostly only know you through stories and hearsay. Hell, most of the people at the wedding from the bride's family probably never heard of you until you send them an invitation. I am in no way denouncing weddings or me being invited to them. I am just saying, don't be surpised if at your wedding, your friends who promised to be on their best behavior end up drunk and in the bathroom taking pictures of things that should otherwise not be on film, or sneaking into the kitchen to neck with the maid of honor. You've been warned.

Blend it

2004-12-20T01:54:00.000-05:00

If you ever want to have a great time in Lorain, Ohio I have a suggestion. Find someone who has a boat load of alcohol in their basement as well as two XBox's and Tom Clancey's Ghost Recon 2... and oh yeah, a blender. Here is what you do, take all of the alcohol you can find and maybe some Red Bull and throw it all in a blender with some ice... make a slushie drink! The kinds of alcohol doesn't really matter, so long as they all shouldn't be mixed together. Do this 6 or 7 times and get crunked. All the mean time, make sure that you are playing the aforementioned game. What makes this all great is when you get schooled in the game but it doesn't matter because off all the crazy ghetto punch that you've been drinking.
This is not a necessity, but afterwards you could go over to your other friend's house and hijack his laptop to write on your blog. That makes for a great night. Sadly all I did tonight is watch the home shopping network, or so I would like you to believe.

Pants conspiracy

2004-12-17T18:07:00.000-05:00

I'm sure that everyone has experienced this but it is ticking me off recently. I have noticed in recent years that my closet is like a black hole for pants. I buy 2 or 3 new pairs of pants and then I get home and I feel like, ok, now I finally have enough pants to last me a while. Then, like two weeks down the road, my old pants are collecting dust in my closet and I am only wearing my new pants. Even worse, now I need more pants. What is going on with that. When you find a pair of pants that you really like, you wear them all the time and tell yourself that you will wear them for some time to come. But that is superseded by the new pants. It's not like the old pants went out of style or something, and I still wear all of my old shirts. Hell, I even wear my older underwear, but pants... not so much. If anything, the shirts have gone out of style, but I still wear them. I don't get it and I think something fishy is going on. Someone give me the address of the guy who invented pants and I'll go break his knees unless he tells me what is up. Pants suck.

ROFLMAO!!!

2004-12-17T01:34:00.000-05:00

"Let's get something straight, Hollywood doesn't like anal sex, Hollywood LOVES anal sex. It is very hard to go to a restaurant there without getting sodomized... and let me tell you something, they know what they are doing." - Jon Stewart

I love that show.

Ahhhh!

2004-12-16T19:57:00.000-05:00

School is the devil...

Call me weird

2004-12-15T20:53:00.000-05:00

Ok, this is stupid I know but when I get out of the shower, I forget to dry the back of my head. I have been doing it for like 2 years now and I never remember to do it. Well I got out of the shower after the gym today and like always I didn't dry the back of my head. 5 minutes later as I was putting a shirt on I felt something wet on the back of my neck and for some reason, I started spazzing out. I don't know why, but I did. I thought there was something nasty on the shirt when I put it on. In the process of freaking, I ripped a huge hole in my shirt and ruined it. That is when I realized what was going on. You know, it is these things that I wish people were around to see. When I look back on the stupid things that I do from day to day, I realize that my life reminds me of a television show with me as the idiot that everyone is laughing at, but no one is here to laugh at me. If I am going to do these things and embarass myself someone may as well get a kick out of it. I think I am going to install video cameras in my apartment.