Sunday, February 27, 2005

Faced #2

Ok, going to a party in college is nothing new to me. Going to a party that turned out to be a sausage fest is also nothing new to me. Going to a sausage fest where two guys tried to kill each other with a 17 inch black rubber cock... that's new. I didn't ask where it came from. I really don't want to know why it was there. There was definitely a huge black rubber cock at this party. It had a suction cup on the end of it... what ever... it was a 17 inch black rubber cock. The more alcohol we had, the funnier it got. There was some sort of a drunken altercation and it ended up in a fight with the cock. All I know, is that if I have to go to a sausage fest, I can't think of a better end to that night.

P.P.S. The flash movie of the week still freaks me out.

Saturday, February 26, 2005

Jessie got faced

You ever have one of those nights where you and a couple of friends just sat around and got twazzled? That was tonight. Normally you do that at a sit down bar where you can hear each other speak. Jax on Friday is usually just that. For some reason tonight it wasn't. That didn't phase us. All we did all night was try to keep up with eachother. With out a doubt, the one that was always rearing to go for another round was the one that ended up being "faced". Hence the title. The moral of the night is.. always. write. posts. in. very. small. sentences. because. that. is. what. the. kids. are. doing. these. days. Ok, I'm an idiot, whatever. All I know is that it is Josh's birthday on Tuesday and he won't be here to enjoy it with us. The only thing that will remedy that situation is him coming to Toledo on March 12th so that we can get him FUBAR'ed. It had better happen. Good night Los Angeles.

P.S. The Flash Movie of the Week Freaks Me Out

Thursday, February 24, 2005

Sometimes a Time Machine Would be Handy

I always wondered what I would do if I had a time machine. I mean, sure there are tons of theories about going back into time and unraveling the threads of time-space. Then there are the theories that simply say you have no idea what repercussions you will cause. You could move a rock and somehow kill the man who introduces your great grandmother to your great grandfather (how ever that works). There are other theories (e.g. Back to the Future) that say that if you alter something in the past you create a new future that is wholly separate from the future that you knew. It doesn't really matter to me. What I would do with a time machine is go back and kill the guy who wrote Forrest Gump. Because if I am exercising and I hear "RUN FORREST, RUN!" one more damn time from some fat idiot 15 year old, I'm going to snap. I understand the guy had no idea what he was going to cause when he wrote the movie. There is no way to tell what lines from movies will turn into catch phrases. Seriously though, that movie was made in like 1994. Time to get over it. Are we just so mindless and impressionable that we can't come up with new material in over 10 years. Furthermore, maybe the fat ass who said it to me today should be exercising a bit more and not eating so many damn donuts (see new flash movie of the week). I guess the ultimate revenge is that he is going to have a heart attack by the time he is 30 and I'll be fucking his daughter.

Tuesday, February 22, 2005

I woke up in a sweat

"AHHH! What an awful dream! 1's and 0's everywhere.... and I thought I saw a 2."

-Bender Bending Rodriguez Unit 22

Monday, February 21, 2005

Microsoft still funny in 2005

I know that this release is about a year old, but I found it while I was being a mouse potato and it reminded me how funny it was. Enjoy.

Windows 2000 Code Excerpts

I suck at scheduling my classes

I guess I'm glad that I don't have to schedule classes anymore after this semester, but I really suck at it. I like having all of my classes back to back so that when I get home, I can stay home. The problem is that right now I am starving in every sense of the word. I had a bowl of cereal this morning and an apple. That should last me more than a few hours. For some reason that is not enough. I have always eaten like 6 small meals a day rather than eating the normal 3 square. I guess it is a metabolism thing. It doesn't matter, either way I'm hungry and I have a whole class to sit through. I should pack my lunch.

Wednesday, February 16, 2005

Group work sucks

I hate the fact the all of my teachers, and probably all of the teachers at this university, think that they are the only one's preparing their students for the outside world. Every teacher I get makes some speech at the beginning of the class that goes something like this:

"There will be a semester long group project or two because I think that group work is really important, especially in business. I know that most of your teachers let you get by without doing any group work, but I want to prepare you for the real world."

Fine. Great. Dandy. What they fail to realize is that I have yet to have a class at this God-forsaken university that didn't have group work. All of my self indulged teachers think that they are the only ones who can help prepare us for the "real" world. Don't get me wrong, group work is important, but there are some stupid people in my classes and I hate having to trust my grade to them and their incontinence. I could be done with all of the shit in all of my classes already but instead I have to wait while these fuck-ups procrastinate all semester and jepordize my GPA. I hate school. I can't wait until I get into the "real" world so at least I can get the group I get stuck with fired if they don't do their fucking job and do it well.

Saturday, February 12, 2005

Something to think about

If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?

Friday, February 11, 2005

What a waste

So I got something in the mail today that at first seemed normal enough. It was an invitation to my buddy's wedding. I knew it was coming so I didn't think twice about it until I read closely. It isn't an invitation, it's a pre-invitation invitation. What the hell? Ok, let's go over the necessities for an invitation. You need a date, a time and a place right? Ok all of those things are included in the thing that I got. Yet still on the bottom of this seemingly useless document it says, "Invitation to follow." What a waste of paper, time and energy. Why spend all this money on invitations if you are going to send something else that says the same damn thing? I've never understood the whole wedding process. I've always thought that it was way too intricate and some of the damn rituals are stupid and pointless, but if sending out two invitations (for no apparent reason) is part of that process then I am getting married in Vegas. Screw that!

Wednesday, February 09, 2005

That's what I want to know


Monday, February 07, 2005


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Sunday, February 06, 2005

Pats What?!

Superbowl Sunday is upon us. I am throwing a bit of a party. We'll see how it goes. Either way, Tom Brady is my favorite NFL player, despite the fact that he couldn't win a NCAA championship when he was at Michigan. How do you not win that game behind an impeccable O line and a nationally ranked defense, three times, but you can win two superbowls? I don't get it. Whatever, hail to the victors and go Pats!

Saturday, February 05, 2005


I can't remember the last time that I really laughed. I mean really thought that something was funny. We all laugh just to laugh sometimes. We laugh because something was supposed to be funny or because that is the socially acceptable thing to do at the time. But I haven't really found anything funny in a while. Either my life is just not as entertaining as it used to be or I'm just in a dry spell. My life is usually one joke after another. Granted, most of those jokes are at my expense, but I still laugh about it later. I'm hoping that there will be a superbowl comercial that will make me laugh. There is usually one that is just a stroke of genius. My favorite commercial of all time was a superbowl commercial. There was this crazy old coot playing the harmonica and hitting a tamborine and there was a monkey dancing next to him. This went on for like 25 seconds. Then it cut to another screen that said, "Well, we just wasted a million dollars. What are you doing with your money?" It was a commercial. That's good marketing.

Wednesday, February 02, 2005

Funny stuff

100 Worst Porn Titles

Tuesday, February 01, 2005

Geeks rule the earth

There are 10 kinds of people in this world, people that understand binary and people that don't.