Monday, January 31, 2005

MJ

No, not Michael Jordan. I'm talking about the other MJ. The one that seems hell bent on ruining his own life, Michael Jackson. There was a point, and maybe I still do, where I felt sorry for him. I felt sorry that people wouldn't leave him alone, and that his accomplishments are greatly shadowed by his apparent scandal with the children. I don't want to get into a big discussion about it, but come on Mike, you are making it way too easy at this point. Give us a reason to leave you alone. Stop doing stupid things for like a week and then people will let you mind your own business. I am just getting to the point where I'm sick of hearing about it! Try doing something with your time like, oh I dunno, making MUSIC!!! Remember, you used to do that.

Saturday, January 29, 2005

A Modern Day MacGyver

Now this is a real man.

Hilarious

Thursday, January 27, 2005

Short Post

Shouldn't Christian Slater be like a garbage man or something by now? Seriously.

The Fake World

Why do people, teachers in particular, refer to everything outside of the classroom as the "real" world. As if when we are sitting in a school we are in some fantasy world that doesn't really matter. School is just as real as anything else. If I were to imagine a world to be in when I wasn't in class it certainly wouldn't be so damn boring. If school isn't the real world then why do I have to study for it when I go home? Why can't I be in a fake world where school consists of half naked women, booze and maybe a trampoline or some jello? Everyone loves jello!

Wednesday, January 26, 2005

Computers in Classrooms

I think it is a stupid idea to try and hold a class in a computer lab. No one pays attention to a damn thing besides stupid AIM. People check their Email, play solitare, look at boobies or type on their blog. What are these people thinking?! There is important information to be retained here! I mean we are fourth year INFS students, we really need to know the basics of HTML that we learned when we were like 4 years old. I know that there are people that are in here that don't know anything about HTML, but this is just silly.... Ok, I just got caught by the teach. TTYL.

Sunday, January 23, 2005

I need to find a job

Ok, I have been living off of the money that I have made over the past 3 or 4 years. That well is getting pretty dry. I need to get a job or start gambling again. So I have been applying for a job with pretty much anyone that is accepting applications. In my search I have found the perfect job. That stupid guy from American Idol. Not only is he paid for that God awful show, but he also makes a ton of money off of the record contracts he gets through the show. That is the ultimate gig (if I can use the word "gig" without sounding like an idiot). So I either need to start a similar show or start selling my body for money... any bidders?

Saturday, January 22, 2005

Eh?

The black fava bean flies at 4:20. Furthermore, I hate pants.

Friday, January 21, 2005

El Nino

Was El Nino some sort of cover up for global warming. As I remember it, El Nino was only supposed to come every so often. Now I feel that I hear about it every year as an excuse for crazy weather. Toledo is supposed to get some crazy storm on Saturday and we are apparently on an off year for El Nino. As far as I'm concerned, to hell with global warming. Let's talk about global cooling. It is freezing outside!

Wednesday, January 19, 2005

Walk faster

Ok, if you ever go out for a leisurely stroll or just feel like taking your time, stay the hell away from me. What's up with people walking so damn slow that people on crutches are passing you? There should be a speed minimum when you are walking down narrow pathways, or at least there should be a predefined "passing lane". People have places to be and usually very little time to get there. I'm sorry that you have so little going on in your life that you can take your sweet-ass time walking around campus, but when people want to get by, at least move to the side. It is damn cold out today and even if I wasn't notoriously 5 minutes late to all my classes, I would want to get the hell out of the cold. I've been telling myself for about 2 years now that it takes more than 10 minutes to get to campus, but for some reason an extra five minutes is too much. Regardless, people should get out of my way. Shit or get off the pot people.

Tuesday, January 18, 2005

Last time for everything

I just purchased the last batch of textbooks that I will ever have to buy. With the amount of accumulated money that I have spent on textbooks over the years, I think everyone in southeasat Asia would be well fed and driving a fricking Lexus. I don't understand who comes up with the prices for these things. How is it that one book that is like 1000 pages and hard bound can be 50 bucks cheaper than another book, by the same publisher mind you, that is about 300 pages and paperback? Does paper cost more when you are filling the pages with different kinds of information? Are certain kinds of knowledge more important and therefore more valuable than others? My guess is that the publishers are like, "Ok, how much can we rape people for on this one?" Then they determine a fair price and arbitrarily add like 70 bucks. I feel so used.

Monday, January 17, 2005

Women are the devil

Women are the devil for a ton of different reasons, but tonight even more. Why can't me and my friends find a girl that will just be faithful and have a good time sans the drama? Seriously.

Sunday, January 16, 2005

All things bar

Always look at a girl's ring finger when you talk to her. Never buy a girl a drink until you are sure she doesn't already have a date. These are rules you should follow at any bar excursion. However, you never take into account the amount of alcohol that you would have drank when you try to implement these rules. Furthermore, as a third rule, you should always (and I stress always) make sure that you stop by any of your friend's houses on the way back from the bar and cause a ruckus. If you don't, it would be an insult. Then go back to your place and watch all of your other friends talk on the damn cell phone. Seriously, get bent. It doesn't matter though. It's Five O' Clock somewhere.

Saturday, January 15, 2005

A word to the wise

You can't reheat instant potatoes. Trust me on this one.

Just in case...

...there are ever any compromising pictures of me on the internet, ignore them.. it was my twin brother Phillip. He's a dick.

Global warming what!

Friday, January 14, 2005

Everything is life

I came to the realization tonight that life is nothing but a series of moments that have one of two outcomes. You either do the right thing or do the wrong thing. The tricky part is, at the time you have no idea what decision is the right one and which one is the wrong one. You could go years without knowing which decision was the right one, but it could come back to haunt you. That is the mentality that I have had for 24 years. The other thing that I realized tonight is that it doesn't really matter. You could go through life wondering what would have happened if you did something different, or you can make the most of what you have with the decisions that you have made.

OK, that was my drunken rambling for the night. Furthermore, I hate pants. Goodnight world.

Tuesday, January 11, 2005

God's amusement

Ok, so I am convinced that my life takes the place of the jester of the afterlife. There are too many inherently funny things that happen to me with increasing frequency. First, I went to a class today where the professor was an Asian man that sounded like he had learned English from an eighty year old backwoods hermit with Tourettes syndrome. Ok, that may be a little harsh, but he is definitely a couple of feathers short of a chicken. He is the first professor that I have ever had that said, "You guys don't have to come all of the time, if you want to stay home a couple of times, you'll be fine, no problem." That kinda scares me into wanting to come to all of the classes. Anyway, when I left at the end of the class, I started walking towards my apartment. When, as if out of a movie, a car comes racing by and completely douses me by driving through a pothole full of water. That stuff doesn't happen to anyone that I know. Just for once I'd like this stuff to happen to someone else so I can laugh at them. Now, I have to change my pants! Another reason why pants suck! Why me God, why me. Honestly... COME ON!

Monday, January 10, 2005

How to make air your pet

... you heard me:

1) Buy a mason jar, but do not open it yet
2) Carefully pick an area with lively clean air
3) Slowly walk up to the air
4) Open the jar trying very hard not to make a noise
5) Immediately close the jar
6) Set the jar on a shelf out of the reach of children and other animals
7) Enjoy your new pet air
8) Never open the jar again, it doesn't need to be fed

Clothes are the Devil

Ok, so I know that I have spoken out against pants, but why stop there? This country has a serious problem with modesty. I'm sure that we all know that other parts of the world are much more comfortable with the human figure. Great civilizations thoughout time have been very comfortable with nudity, but for some reason we in the US are not. Actually, I just recently learned that the reason that all of the statues in the Vatican have fig leafs instead of genitalia is because some crazy cardinal chopped all of them off because he thought they were lude. What is up with that, even the servants of God think nudity is shameful? I have had my fair share of naked encounters, ranging from naked runs around the house when you lose in beer pong, to answering the hotel room door naked because my friend convinced me that a hot chick was going to bring the extra towels we asked for. Granted most of those events involved alcohol, but that is no excuse. I feel that we should all just go naked or at least have a couple of nude beaches in the states. Think of all the fashion decisions you won't have to make, not to mention all the money we would save on clothes. Then I wouldn't have to complain about pants all the time. Stupid pants.

Sunday, January 09, 2005

Just see that I'm right

I thought maybe the description of Voltron that was provided on Josh's Blog was incomplete so here is another site where you can marvel in the splendor that is Voltron. Come on guys, look at how hard core my avatar is.

http://www.voltronforce.com/home.html

Change your vote if you value your lives.


Friday, January 07, 2005

Back from vacation

Ok, I'm back from vacation with new profound knowledge. I learned that for some reason my dad seems to think that everyone who speaks another language is deaf. No matter how many times I tell him that he doesn't need to shout at people who don't speak English well, he still does it saying that it helps them understand. I also have taken issue with the whole "seatbacks in their full upright position" thing. How much does a seat recline on a plane, like 1 inch? How in God's name is my seat being on a 1 degree incline in any way endangering my life or the lives of those around me? I don't get it. Anywho, on the way down, the pilot bounced the plane off of the runway a few times and had a very rough landing. The funny part was afterwards when the attendant said, "We ask that you please remain seated with your seatbelts fastened until the captain brings what's left of the plane to the gate. For those of you that have sustained neck injuries, we will be handing out neck braces as you exit the plane." I thought that was great.

On another note, I am seriously dissapointed that Voltron looks like it is going to lose to He-Man on Josh's Blog where he is holding a competition for the best cartoon shows.

http://onebadwebsite.blogspot.com

Voltron is quite possibly the best cartoon ever and I feel that I may lose interest in the rest of the competition if Voltron loses to a show where a guy ran around in little to no clothing fighting a possessed skeleton.

Saturday, January 01, 2005

Merry New Year

10 things to do this year:

1) Graduate
2) Get a job
3) Move somewhere else (again)
4) Stop trying to flirt with stuck up bitches
5) Realize that I really have no choice (See #4)
6) Realize that the female race hates me (See #4)
7) Maybe see the Browns draft some O-linemen
8) Realize that #7 will never happen
9) Start rooting for a sports team that WINS games
10) Find the source of all evil and destroy it

(# of these items that I will probably accomplish = 3 including #10)