Thursday, December 30, 2004

Spring Break

I realize that this post is a bit premature. However, spring break, at least in my mind, is supposed to be a time where college kids unwind, mingle with their peers and maybe get a tan. Somehow along the way it turned into a medium for stupid TV stations to boost their ratings and for smut peddlers to capture some poor guy's daughter showing the world her tater-tots. Granted, the kids are still unwinding just as they were before, but now there are a myriad of different ways for their endeavors to end up on video, which is not good. What happened to the saying "What happens on spring break stays on spring break."? How are you supposed to keep that kind of a thing secret when people are video taping it and selling it all over the world? There is a certain amount of privacy that has been lost involving spring break. This reason is partly why for my last few spring breaks I have gone to Vegas... and well, I mean come on, it's Vegas, who doesn't want to go to Vegas. Needless to say, for my last and final spring break I have decided to brave it down to somewhere warm and risk being captured in the act of doing something really stupid. Now, my friends and I just need to find a place to stay.

Wednesday, December 29, 2004

Memory is a fickle thing

Why is it that I can still remember the combination to my highschool locker but I can't remember the phone number that a friend gave me last week? Even worse, why is it that I had my cell phone and my PDA on me and opted to try and remember it instead of storing it in a device that's sole purpose is to retain that kind of information. I hate my life.

Tuesday, December 28, 2004

As a side note...

...I think it is crazy that there is a serious lack of expansion cards on my board now. I remember when all I had was three 8-bit slots and one 16-bit slot, and they were all taken. Back in the day you needed a hard drive controller card, a floppy controller card, a video card, a sound card, a printer port, a SCSI card, and a NIC (MODEM at the time). USB was so futuristic it was like velcro in the 50's. Now all I have is my new video card in 1 AGP slot and 5 empty PCI slots, everything else is built in. Technology rules!


Ok, I've been offline for a couple of days, but it's ok. Because now I have a K8NS-Ultra 939 Motherboard with a 64 bit AMD Athlon processor, not to mention the new XFX 6600 GT 32 bit graphics card... my Christmas present to myself. I would just like to take this moment to say that electronics rule. Stuff like this reminds me why I was studying computers in college. Needless to say, I am viewing my blog in crazy high resolutions now... it is the shit. More to come...

Friday, December 24, 2004

Happy Holidays

Merry Christmas Eve and all of that seasonal stuff. I probably won't be posting tomorrow since I will be stuffing my fat ass full of delicious food and beer. 3 reasons why I love Christmas:

1. Food (duh)
2. Presents
3. That movie where the kid shoots himself in the eye.

Hope you have a good one!

Wednesday, December 22, 2004


I was under the impression that everyone liked balloons. I mean, come on, what's not fun about a balloon? It's fun to float around in the air, they look cool, they are colorful, and when you get done blowing one up, you feel like you've accomplished something. Well I have a friend that is afraid of balloons. Well, I guess he is afraid of them popping in his face, something to do with someone popping one in his face when he was younger or something. I think he is missing out on one of the greatest inventions ever. It is a shame that he can't enjoy balloons like the rest of us. But I know where he is coming from, I had a similar experience with a cherry tomato. I was about 5 or 6 and for whatever reason I was allowed to play around in the garden. I got my hands on a cherry tomato because, well I loved cherry tomatoes, I used to eat them all the time. Well around 10 minutes later I am writhing around on the ground choking to death. I flopped around for a while until I coughed it up, at which point I just dusted myself off and walked inside and told my mother to please get rid of the tomato plants. For the next 2 or 3 years I kept trying to get my parents to understand that I didn't like cherry tomatoes anymore. Eventually they listened and got rid of the tomato plants, but at that point, I really didn't care anymore. Needless to say, I still don't like tomatoes of any sort. So the moral of the story is: Stay in school!

Tuesday, December 21, 2004

Friends and Weddings

Is it ever a good idea to invite your friends to your wedding? Let's be honest here, how much of what your friends do would you like your entire family to see. Not to mention the bride and all of her family. The bride's family will be watching you to see all of the little things that you are going to do to screw up their little girl's life, and when they see some of the stupid things that your friends will no doubt be doing at the open bar reception, they will rightly assume that you act the same way whilst not under their close scrutiny. Is this really what people want? These people, namely the bride's family, mostly only know you through stories and hearsay. Hell, most of the people at the wedding from the bride's family probably never heard of you until you send them an invitation. I am in no way denouncing weddings or me being invited to them. I am just saying, don't be surpised if at your wedding, your friends who promised to be on their best behavior end up drunk and in the bathroom taking pictures of things that should otherwise not be on film, or sneaking into the kitchen to neck with the maid of honor. You've been warned.

Monday, December 20, 2004

Blend it

If you ever want to have a great time in Lorain, Ohio I have a suggestion. Find someone who has a boat load of alcohol in their basement as well as two XBox's and Tom Clancey's Ghost Recon 2... and oh yeah, a blender. Here is what you do, take all of the alcohol you can find and maybe some Red Bull and throw it all in a blender with some ice... make a slushie drink! The kinds of alcohol doesn't really matter, so long as they all shouldn't be mixed together. Do this 6 or 7 times and get crunked. All the mean time, make sure that you are playing the aforementioned game. What makes this all great is when you get schooled in the game but it doesn't matter because off all the crazy ghetto punch that you've been drinking.
This is not a necessity, but afterwards you could go over to your other friend's house and hijack his laptop to write on your blog. That makes for a great night. Sadly all I did tonight is watch the home shopping network, or so I would like you to believe.

Friday, December 17, 2004

Pants conspiracy

I'm sure that everyone has experienced this but it is ticking me off recently. I have noticed in recent years that my closet is like a black hole for pants. I buy 2 or 3 new pairs of pants and then I get home and I feel like, ok, now I finally have enough pants to last me a while. Then, like two weeks down the road, my old pants are collecting dust in my closet and I am only wearing my new pants. Even worse, now I need more pants. What is going on with that. When you find a pair of pants that you really like, you wear them all the time and tell yourself that you will wear them for some time to come. But that is superseded by the new pants. It's not like the old pants went out of style or something, and I still wear all of my old shirts. Hell, I even wear my older underwear, but pants... not so much. If anything, the shirts have gone out of style, but I still wear them. I don't get it and I think something fishy is going on. Someone give me the address of the guy who invented pants and I'll go break his knees unless he tells me what is up. Pants suck.


"Let's get something straight, Hollywood doesn't like anal sex, Hollywood LOVES anal sex. It is very hard to go to a restaurant there without getting sodomized... and let me tell you something, they know what they are doing." - Jon Stewart

I love that show.

Thursday, December 16, 2004


School is the devil...

Wednesday, December 15, 2004

Call me weird

Ok, this is stupid I know but when I get out of the shower, I forget to dry the back of my head. I have been doing it for like 2 years now and I never remember to do it. Well I got out of the shower after the gym today and like always I didn't dry the back of my head. 5 minutes later as I was putting a shirt on I felt something wet on the back of my neck and for some reason, I started spazzing out. I don't know why, but I did. I thought there was something nasty on the shirt when I put it on. In the process of freaking, I ripped a huge hole in my shirt and ruined it. That is when I realized what was going on. You know, it is these things that I wish people were around to see. When I look back on the stupid things that I do from day to day, I realize that my life reminds me of a television show with me as the idiot that everyone is laughing at, but no one is here to laugh at me. If I am going to do these things and embarass myself someone may as well get a kick out of it. I think I am going to install video cameras in my apartment.

Quote Please

"The open society, the unrestricted access to knowledge, the unplanned and uninhibited association of men for its furtherance - these are what may make a vast, complex, ever growing, ever changing, ever more specialized and expert technological world, nevertheless a world of human community." - J. Robert Oppenheimer

Tuesday, December 14, 2004

Not in jest

Please don't misunderstand this post. I am in no way poking fun at anyone. This is more of a question than anything. Braille is a great invention. It allows the blind to essentially read just as well as the rest of us. The thing that I don't get is the placement of signs with braille on them. Elevators I get, they are pretty standard and that can be a great help, and when it comes to things like braille books and menus, great, wonderful. I don't get putting braille on a sign that is obscurely placed on a wall almost ten feet above the ground. There was a "Wheelchair Accessable" sign outside of a building that I saw today that was just that. The sign was posted on the wall of the building in front of a curb about 8 feet off the ground. First off, and again this is not in jest, if you are in a wheelchair, there is no way that you could possibly reach this sign. It was on a pillar behind a bush! If you are blind, there is no way in hell that you would possibly think to look for this sign where it was. I have little experience with this so someone please put me in my place if I am out of line, but it is my feeling that the blind do not walk around feeling every surface on the perimeter of every building they are about to go into. The sign is probably in accordance with some ordinance or something, but I found it a little rediculous. Maybe I'm wrong, but in my opinion, society is becoming a PC nightmare.

Monday, December 13, 2004

Chain letters

I am at an impasse concerning a chain letter that I got today via EMail. I have to give it up for the creator of this one, it is clever. It said something to the effect of, "Pass this on if you hate chain letters." This is certainly a paradox, a conundrum, an enigma, an unsolvable riddle, a brain teaser, a mystery, a mind boggler... well, you get the idea. A chain letter denouncing the existence of chain letters. On one hand, I hate chain letters and usually discard them, but isn't the fact that I'm not forwarding saying that I like chain letters. Either way, this one made me laugh so I feel that while in itself, it is a chain letter, it is amusing enough to forward on. At least there were no crazy ultimatums saying that if I didn't forward this that I would grow a third eye or something. I think that the reason that everyone hates chain letters so much (aside from the damn things filling up your inbox) is that they tell you that you have to do something "or else". No one likes being told what to do. Well if this one brightened up my day, hopefully it will do the same for the possibly thousands that I have just subjected to it. If not... sorry.

Sunday, December 12, 2004

I Hate People (and Computers)

Computer viruses are awful in every sense of the word. Most viruses these days have absolutely no other purpose than to annoy people like me. These people have enough skill (and time for that matter) to produce something that's sole purpose is to piss off other people, why don't they go out a get a job or at least do something constructive with that knowledge? It is these people that should be working on creating artificial intelligence, because as I see it people generally piss me off anyway. So it is only fitting that the people that devote all of their energy to pissing people off be the ones who give life to computers. Either that, or they should stop making these stupid pointless viruses that do nothing besides turn your GUI upside down. I hate people more and more every day.

"I think computer viruses should count as life. I think it says something about human nature that the only form of life we have created so far is purely destructive. We've created life in our own image." --Stephen Hawking

Saturday, December 11, 2004

A word to the wise

Always carry a deck of cards around with you. That way, if you ever get locked out of your apartment and have to wait around in the hallway for your roommate to come home and let you in, you'll have something to do. There are a variety of games you can play by yourself and even more if you are with someone. This will accomplish a couple of things. First, it will make the time pass very quickly and keep you entertained. Second, if you are with someone you will be able to avoid any awkward silences. Finally, it will ensure that you don't end up having sex in the hallway outside of your apartment up against the window so that the entire maintenance crew of your apartment complex can watch. Honestly...

Friday, December 10, 2004

Great Site

My grandmother heard about this website while she was in Europe. Wonderful pictures!

Why do we save everything?

I just learned that there is actually an underwear museum in Europe that displays underwear dating all the way back to 1700 and as recent as 1980. Who the hell decided THAT was a good idea? Furthermore, who would fund the operation to construct a 3 story museum to showcase people's used underwear? We as humans have a nasty habit of saving everything and it is getting kind of disgusting. It disturbs me that people actually go to this museum to stare at some guy's dirty underwear from 2 centuries ago and say something like, "Oh, so that's what this guy was wearing when he was shot." Seriously, what is wrong with us?

Gobel sums up my life

To sum up my life right now I would like to use a famous George Gobel quote.

"Did you ever feel like the whole world is a tuxedo, and you're a pair of brown shoes."

It is never until you finally feel that you have everything back under control when you realize that you have never had control over anything.

And I leave you with this quote, "That's it Mr. Giraffe, get all of the marmalade."

Thursday, December 09, 2004

Beer, Beer, Beer

It is just me, or are those Miller Lite commercials where they "flag the king" the worst advertising campaign, ever. The only one that is remotely funny is the one where the hot chick blows the ref's whistle on the beach, and that isn't really even that funny either. Budweiser's retort to Miller's "President of Beers" campaign was just a slap in the nuts, it wasn't funny. This so called rivalry is turning into an all out war, and in the process they both seem to have lost the ability to make entertaining advertising. I feel like they are two small children fighting over who gets the last Jolly Rancher, and it is getting really old. Usually when kids bicker like that, you just punch them in the mouth and don't feed them for a week (just kidding obviously), but how can I do anything about this? I feel so helpless and subservient... I'm going to go buy some MGD and cry myself to sleep.

"If it's going to be that kind of party, I'm going to stick my dick in the mashed potatoes." - The Beastie Boys

Wednesday, December 08, 2004

Don't you hate it when...

... you are having a dream where you are on a kick-ass city wide scavenger hunt in NYC that involves monkeys, hot women, lots of money and even some crazy wind tunnel that sucks you up and puts you back where you started. Then you wake up and realize that your life isn't that much fun and you have to start studying for an exam. Stupid school, I'm moving to New York and starting a REAL scavenger hunt.

Tuesday, December 07, 2004


The movie I was talking about, Class of 1999, didn't have either of the Coreys in it. It was still a kick ass movie.


Dynamo, what an awful character. He gets my vote for the worst villian ever.

Technology Sucks

Ok it is well into the 21st century and the very laptop that I am typing on is a POS. We were led to believe that by the year 2000 we would be hydrating our food, flying our cars into that tight parking space, Mars would be the galaxy's biggest brothel and artificial intelligence would soon begin to threaten our way of life... or at least Los Angeles would be a war zone like in Demolition Man. In case you weren't sure, none of this has happened yet! What was that movie with one of the Coreys (not Corey Haim, but the other one) where the high school was overrun by robotic teachers. That was supposed to take place before the end of the century! I'm not asking much. All I'm saying is that at some point I'd like to live in a Blade Runner-esque futuristic world where cars fly and AI walks among us without our knowledge. Is that too much to ask? I'd even settle for something like a real version of Running Man. With ill concieved villans that try to kill criminals in a city size arena. Like that Dynamo character who for some reason wrapped himself in christmas lights and sang opera while he was coming after you... as if the huge bolt of lighting he shot at you wasn't intimidating enough.

So if you are a scientist of any sort or aspire to be one some day, get on the ball and create stuff that will make my otherwise boring life a little more interesting. Or at least half ass an attempt at creating AI so that one day they will take over the planet and we can be banished to the city of Zion.

By the way...

... I hate pants.

Sunday, December 05, 2004

Change is good

So I just spent the last 2 hours sorting my spare change and putting them in rolls. I had sixty plus dollars in change, which is a good thing. Then when I was done, my hands smelled like a hobo's feet on a hot day, which is a bad thing. Anyway, after 15 minutes of sterilizing my hands with cleaning products that were not meant for human skin contact, I'm sixty bucks richer! Yah change!

Too hot to trot

I can't decide whether Jennifer Love Hewitt is still really hot or yesterday's news. Most likely she is hotter than anyone that I will ever meet, but part of me thinks that she is weird looking. I don't know there was some old JLH movie on TV and it was awful. Still, I found myself watching it. I think it is unfair that such horrible acting can be overlooked as long as the actress has a really, really nice body. It is better for the acting community for actresses to be unattractive so that they actually have to learn to act, like.. I dunno Susan Sarandon. Of course then you still have unattractive actresses that can't act either... like Woopie Goldberg. Either way, something should be done about it.

Saturday, December 04, 2004

I'm an idiot

So I found myself today getting ready to take a shower when I heard a doorbell ring. So I spit out my toothpaste and threw on some clothes and ran to the door, stubbing my toe on the way. I opened the door and that is when I realized that I don't have a doorbell. Stupid TV.

Friday, December 03, 2004

Lost Products

When was the last time you heard anything about Tang?